Are We All A Little Bit Special Needs?

This is an excerpt from my book, "God Loves You This Much!"

WEEK # 4 RAISING UP ASHLYN

This week with our hope secure, and the Sovereignty of God nailed down, well, until the next crisis that is…. I want to take you on the most current exercise of this sovereignty of God issue in my life.  Our Ashlyn.  This is where my questioning began so many months ago now and through this weeks teaching segment, I think you will find some nuggets of Truth that will help you on your faith journey as God led me to some awesome discoveries in the Book of Ephesians. 

Ya know, God has always been so gracious to us in our lives.  He is always “ON TIME”  He may not answer when I WANT Him, and His answer may not always be the answer that I am looking for, but I am certain that HE is always right on time.  So at just the “right” time,  God eased us into the realization that Ashlyn was not going to be like all the other kids, that our lives where going to look very different from what we had envisioned, and that Ashlyn is not just developmentally delayed, but the sore news is Ashlyn is mildly, mentally handicapped.

 For the people who very delicately ask about Ashlyn, and for those who really “ignore” the fact that she is handicapped because they are too embarrassed to ask,  I try to explain her simply and concisely by saying that raising Ashlyn is much like living with Rainman, Radio, and I am Sam all wrapped up into one beautiful curly haired redhead!
Ashlyn, or “Fee Fee” as we call her, continues to be a blessing and…a challenge each and every day of our lives.  I say that with great reserve, but the truth is that a special needs child is like having a life sentence without the possibility of parole!  Yeah…. I had to stop and think to myself too….is that ok to say out loud?” So when a close mentor of mine made that harsh statement about her typical, adult kids, I cringed at first too, but have to admit that she is spot on!  I mean, even when our kids are grown, we go through every joy and heartache wishing we could keep them from it! 
It is tough enough to explain how life is with raising a special needs child without feeling as if I have to sugar coat it.  So with the risk of severely offending other people, I am just going to continue to be brutally honest.  I love our daughter tremendously and I wouldn’t give her up for anything in the world; but it is very tough every day. 
Raising Ashlyn is a jolting task, an endeavor that I would never wish upon my worst enemies.  The mental trauma and daily drama is sometimes unbearable.  I speak this in all sincerity and truth.  Some days you get “special Ashlyn” On those days she is compliant, jovial and very pleasant.  Still other days you get “Needy Ashlyn” Unfortunately the “demanding”, neediness of Ashlyn can be enough to make a grown man cry!  Literally!!! Ask her dad?  

Here lies the question.  Are we not all like Ashlyn sometimes?  Needy?  Demanding?  Non-compliant?  When I am frustrated with her, I have heard the voice of God reminding me that I am not much different with HIM! After a short conversation with a friend, I realized that my previous epiphany about Ashlyn was correct.  God sees us just like Ashlyn sometimes!  We are His Ashlyn, mildly handicapped by our strong wills.  We are special needs.

      

What do you think?  Are we all just a little bit "special needs?"  

A Rainy Day Parade

The Rainy Days of Tampa!  I forgot that I changed my blog to look like rain...it has been unusually rainy this week, like a "depression" has developed upon us.  So odd for me to open my blog to this rainy day parade.  For some, rain brings the emotional response of "depression"  I am weird in that I love to sit outside on my back porch and watch the rain.  I do feel like rainy days and Mondays always get me down... but I think the mojo of the rain inspires me to ponder.  After I take time, sit, and ponder awhile, I usually muster up the motivation to go inside and do something productive. Is it ok to just sit and think?  Even when the thinking leads to unresolved issues that tend to make me feel like a failure, I still think we need to take time to think.  My unresolved issue is whether to self-publish or to seek a publisher.  It is a huge decision when I consider the amount of work that has gone into the writing.  It may be a no brainer to others, but if you have ever spent any time writing, you know why I am at a cross road. I am not making a decision today, I am just going to think about it some more.... cause that is what one does on a rainy day parade in Tampa.

An Excerpt From "God Loves You This Much!"

 Don’t I still believe, “God Makes NO Mistakes?” As I thought through that question, I had a crisis of confusion.  Maybe I don’t really believe it anymore?  Am I having a crisis of faith?  Or is this a mid-life crisis?

 I had to take several days to process the entire experience.  I evaluated every second…from the point that I was asked to sing, to the point that the song was randomly chosen, or divinely chosen, to the point of self-awareness that there was the possibility that my dogmatic belief’s system had just been challenged to the core!  

It doesn’t surprise me now that God used a song, “my” song to get my attention.  He wanted me to lean into Him and wrestle out some confusion in my heart that I didn’t even realize was so affecting me.  And greater still, He wanted me to know Him more….so the wrestling began.

                  After several weeks had passed, I sat in the school car-line waiting to pick up my son when an old radio broadcast came across the airwaves.   Taped in the early 90’s, I was quite reluctant to listen, yet as the woman tenderly shared her story, I was drawn in to her every word. I just couldn’t turn the channel.  As I listened to her story of faith and courage, I couldn’t help but think this woman’s story is so similar to mine. 

One word after the other, as she spoke I resonated with her journey and each disappointment along the way.  In the end, I sat in my mini-van with tears streaming down my face in awe of the grace that God had so richly and favorably bestowed upon me in my life.  With a renewed zeal I wanted to share more of how God embraces me into His arms and gets me through each and every day.  

This book, "God Loves You This Much!" is a Bible study coupled with a workbook devotional from the book of Ephesians. I will let you know when it goes to the printers!

God Loves You This Much!

Writing a book is always an intimidating process.  You wonder if it will be grammatically correct, if the content will be meaningful, if it will even be worthy to be read at all.  Yet, when God gives a directive, like...."Susie, you are going to share all of your story"...you listen.  I started writing "God Loves You This Much" over three years ago and today God gifted me with a big kiss on the forehead.  It was as if He said, "See...I was right."  It was a huge hand of affirmation tapping me on my shoulder as I sat in our last Bible study group this morning.  Tears could not be held back as we shared our love letters from God to ourselves.  (Homework assignment for the previous week based upon what God had taught us through our study of Ephesians together).  It has been a laborious three years writing and preparing,  but today was the culmination of emotion and thought expressed in the truly transformed hearts of a group of Godly woman declaring that "Yes, God Does Love Me & You This Much!" Thank you girls for being my guinea pigs!  LOL